Sunday, July 12, 2015

All of Me

Good morning, beautiful friends! Summer has arrived with a vengeance here in the North - it's been above 30 degrees C more often than not over the past 10 days or so (that's 86 F for my southern readers - might not seem like a big deal, but it's a shock to our systems up here!), and the Feltmates are feelin' it... We camped out in the basement for a couple of nights when the temperature in the house was higher than outside, but decided to return everyone to their rooms last night. Long story short - it was a late night; it ended up being well after midnight when, finally, all was quiet on the western front.

But even so, I found myself wide awake just after 6 am this morning. So I rolled out of bed and quietly crept downstairs, so as not to wake my sleeping beauties, and headed out for an early morning walk. (I had been meaning to do this every morning since the kids have been out of school, but this was the first one I'd managed...)

What a delight to be out in cool(ish) air! My mind began to clear of its heat-induced haze for the first time in days. And so, of course, God brought something to mind that He's been prompting me to deal with for some time, which I'd been basically ignoring. (Word to the wise: don't ignore God - it's never a good idea...remember Jonah?)

So here it is. Those of you who know me in real life know that I'm more than a little on the plump side. And have been for most of my life. Add to it the fact that I'm four feet nine-and-a-half inches tall, and we have a pretty serious problem. (If I was five feet nine, I'd be in pretty good shape...) I've struggled with food addiction to varying degrees over the years, and have a strong tendency to be lazy rather than active, and voila the result. One of the main issues in all this is my lack of discipline - I'll make great resolutions, work hard at it for awhile, see some results, and then slide back into my old habits; repeat, repeat, repeat.

I've made some significant progress so far this year - incorporated some healthy lifestyle changes with more consistency than usual - and managed to drop 25 pounds. (I have a long way to go yet, but yay!) I still fall into the cycle mentioned above, but I'm learning to pull myself out of it in a few days rather than weeks or months. But the deeper, root issue remains.

When I started this journey of self-discovery (and thus this blog) five years ago, it was one of the first things I dug up that needed overcoming. I was eating myself to death on purpose, albeit subconsciously, because I hated myself. (You can read all about that here.)  God has done some really fantastic, incredible, awesome healing in my life - for which I'm extremely grateful. But I've noticed traces of that old belief - the lie that told me I was worthless - still clinging to the edges of my mind.

Back to my walk this morning. I had quickly grabbed some clothes and tip-toed down stairs - later realizing that I'd grabbed a more snug-ish fitting shirt than I'd normally wear. I've always had a foolish habit of wearing clothes that are too big - I suppose the vain hope is that if the bulges can't be seen, I can pretend they're not there. But that's exactly what God spoke to me about this morning. I've never seen my excess poundage as a part of myself, but rather a separate, alien, undesirable entity - an enemy to wage war against. (I know, dangling participle...I can deal with it - that's not all I've got that's dangling :) )

It may seem like the most obvious truth in the world, but God loves ALL of me! So I need to learn to love ALL of me! I think this is one major road-block that needs to be dynamited right out of my mind - I can just feel that it will make a difference.

And how about you? What's your issue, your road-block; the insidious, debilitating lie that needs attention, correction, healing? It might be something obvious like your weight - or something less out-there, more hidden, concealed...I dare you to name it, face it, call it out, start dealing with it.

But not in a self-help, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, I-can-do-this kind of way. Our kind, patient, loving, gentle, powerful Father wants to journey along with us. He paid the price for our freedom - and He wants us to learn to live in it even more than we do! Let's be bold and brave and start living in the freedom we already have!

It is for freedom that Chris has set us free! 
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves
be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. 
Galatians 5:1


  1. I LOVE this part of your post: "Our kind, patient, loving, gentle, powerful Father wants to journey along with us. He paid the price for our freedom - and He wants us to learn to live in it even more than we do! Let's be bold and brave and start living in the freedom we already have!"
    I have been thinking similar thoughts on purpose the past few weeks....I asked my doctor to lower my dosage of anti-depresants and for the past month have gradually gotten to one-third of the dose I've been relying on for too many years! I must say, I think I am ready for it this time (to face life without medication). I have tried before but I quickly fell back into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety within weeks each time. I realize now that my negative emotions are nothing to fear and they are a part of God's design for me....and the few moments or hours I've had this past month that were full of doubts, fear, anxiety and depression were because I forgot He was taking this journey with me! As soon as He reminded me of His Presence I calmed down and was able to face what I was feeling. I am so thankful for God's daily presence with me...and He desires to be with me on this daily journey! Even more amazing!

  2. Okay! Whoo-hoo!!
    Remembering that fear is no longer living on my chest, but has been removed, carried away, and the Cross been placed on the path so I can't even see where it has gone.

    Praise the name of Jesus
    He's my Rock
    He's my Fortress
    He's my Deliverer
    In Him will I trust
    Praise the name of Jesus.