But even so, I found myself wide awake just after 6 am this morning. So I rolled out of bed and quietly crept downstairs, so as not to wake my sleeping beauties, and headed out for an early morning walk. (I had been meaning to do this every morning since the kids have been out of school, but this was the first one I'd managed...)
What a delight to be out in cool(ish) air! My mind began to clear of its heat-induced haze for the first time in days. And so, of course, God brought something to mind that He's been prompting me to deal with for some time, which I'd been basically ignoring. (Word to the wise: don't ignore God - it's never a good idea...remember Jonah?)
So here it is. Those of you who know me in real life know that I'm more than a little on the plump side. And have been for most of my life. Add to it the fact that I'm four feet nine-and-a-half inches tall, and we have a pretty serious problem. (If I was five feet nine, I'd be in pretty good shape...) I've struggled with food addiction to varying degrees over the years, and have a strong tendency to be lazy rather than active, and voila the result. One of the main issues in all this is my lack of discipline - I'll make great resolutions, work hard at it for awhile, see some results, and then slide back into my old habits; repeat, repeat, repeat.
I've made some significant progress so far this year - incorporated some healthy lifestyle changes with more consistency than usual - and managed to drop 25 pounds. (I have a long way to go yet, but yay!) I still fall into the cycle mentioned above, but I'm learning to pull myself out of it in a few days rather than weeks or months. But the deeper, root issue remains.
When I started this journey of self-discovery (and thus this blog) five years ago, it was one of the first things I dug up that needed overcoming. I was eating myself to death on purpose, albeit subconsciously, because I hated myself. (You can read all about that here.) God has done some really fantastic, incredible, awesome healing in my life - for which I'm extremely grateful. But I've noticed traces of that old belief - the lie that told me I was worthless - still clinging to the edges of my mind.
Back to my walk this morning. I had quickly grabbed some clothes and tip-toed down stairs - later realizing that I'd grabbed a more snug-ish fitting shirt than I'd normally wear. I've always had a foolish habit of wearing clothes that are too big - I suppose the vain hope is that if the bulges can't be seen, I can pretend they're not there. But that's exactly what God spoke to me about this morning. I've never seen my excess poundage as a part of myself, but rather a separate, alien, undesirable entity - an enemy to wage war against. (I know, dangling participle...I can deal with it - that's not all I've got that's dangling :) )
It may seem like the most obvious truth in the world, but God loves ALL of me! So I need to learn to love ALL of me! I think this is one major road-block that needs to be dynamited right out of my mind - I can just feel that it will make a difference.
And how about you? What's your issue, your road-block; the insidious, debilitating lie that needs attention, correction, healing? It might be something obvious like your weight - or something less out-there, more hidden, concealed...I dare you to name it, face it, call it out, start dealing with it.
But not in a self-help, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, I-can-do-this kind of way. Our kind, patient, loving, gentle, powerful Father wants to journey along with us. He paid the price for our freedom - and He wants us to learn to live in it even more than we do! Let's be bold and brave and start living in the freedom we already have!
It is for freedom that Chris has set us free!
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves
be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.