Doors

Please tell me, Lord, what you want me to do
To be perfectly honest, I don't have a clue
It's so hard to sort out my will from yours
You show the way to freedom,
I sit staring at closed doors
(~ me)

 

Sitting staring at closed doors…that’s been me for quite some time now and I didn’t even know it! I couldn’t imagine that God would close this particular door, even though, in hindsight, it’s pretty obvious that He has :)  I’ve conditioned myself to think that I needed what was behind that door, that I couldn’t do God’s will without it…I’ve been trying and trying to pry it open, off and on, for years now! (Picture me with crowbar in hand, just reaming on the thing, trying everything I can think of to get it open, but to no avail - that's been me the past 6 months...) But now, finally, I feel that I can let go of the doorknob and walk away. And lo and behold, what do I see before me but a wide-open doorway that leads to…freedom! Freedom to let God guide me and show me His ways and lead me in the path I should go. And this door was open the  whole time, but I couldn't see it, being so focused on the door I thought I had to go through, waiting patiently (and not so patiently) for it to swing open. 

And now, standing on the threshold of freedom from this, do I really dare to run with it? Freedom, while wide-open and wonderful, can be scary, too. It's about being willing to leave behind all that's familiar and safe and comfortable and stepping out into the great Unknown, living boldly and bravely and beautifully - but somehow merging all that into the current setting of my life. I think it also entails finding ways to live within my current story with that boldness and bravery and beauty - seeking and finding the wonder and holiness in even the familiar relationships, the right-now routine, the seemingly-mundane tasks and events that make up my hours and days.
 
My biggest fear in this? That I'm all talk. That this is as far as I'll get, writing a blog post and saying grand things and making impressive plans and dreaming big dreams. That I'll just keep sitting here at my desk, looking out my window and imagining a great story. It's happened before; it could happen again. But oh, how I long for the other - the courage to take steps, to try and fall and fail and get back up and try some more, savouring the sweetness of a life lived. 


I'd love for you to share your brave story here, of something ventured, hard choices made, embracing the path less-travelled-by and really living. May we all discover the courage buried deep within us by the One who made us and Who calls us to live our lives in wonderful freedom and with real joy!