This is my seventh year of writing a birthday post. Maybe it's just because my birthday is so close to New Year's, but I find as January 10th approaches, I'm in even more of a mood for pondering the past and wondering about what's to come . Birthdays are a good chance to stop and reflect.
Forty-four was a good year; a great year, really. Funny, I can't recall anything astounding or monumental that happened... Well, I did reach the eighty pound mark in my weigh loss journey, and I did cross off a bucket-list item - a family beach vacation in a PEI cottage... okay, a couple of awesome things happened this past year 😊
One major event of the year that seemed awful at the time (but turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me) was my crisis of identity/faith/purpose and subsequent surrender. I have never known more peace than in these past few months - I KNOW that I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do. This is a very beautiful thing ❤
Overall, forty-four has been a year of trust and obedience and grace and learning to follow faithfully and willingly and joyfully the path set before me. I've seen significant growth in the area of self-discipline, which is HUGE for me - it's been something I've struggled with and failed at my whole life. It's very gratifying to see progress being made!
As I look to forty-five, I'm feeling... (hmmm, I just sat here for five minutes, trying to figure out exactly how I'm feeling... interesting 😖)
Here's why: I've been bombarded this past year, but especially these last couple of weeks, by so many Facebook and IG posts telling me I should dream big, chase my dreams, get out there and live the life I want, make things happen for myself, create a life I don't need a vacation from, live out my priorities, get rid of everything in my life that doesn't bring me joy, and on and on... me, Me, ME!
The thing is, I'm hearing another, more compelling voice; a still, small one that is calling me to lay my life down, to die to myself, to pour myself out, to love and give and sacrifice and serve. Sound familiar?
I've been confused lately; those loud voices were starting to make me feel like the life I feel called to live is the wrong one; that to want to live a simple life of service and sacrifice is not enough. That it's a cop-out, cowardly, small, close-minded and fearful. That I'm not living up to my potential and letting the world down if I'm not pursuing big, bold, beautiful dreams.
The one convincing proof that the way I've chosen is worth the effort is that I ALWAYS get filled up again after pouring myself out - I never fail to receive new life, real joy, fresh hope and revitalizing energy.
And so my solitary goal for forty-five is to joyfully and expectantly follow where I'm led and give everything in me that there is to give at every opportunity, secure in the knowledge that I'll always be refueled, refreshed, renewed, restored and ready to love and give again.
It feels like a tall order some days. Surrender is not always easy. But I never walk this path alone, and I'm so grateful for that ❤
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