Mediocre Joy

Wanna know what I've discovered? (Well, here it comes anyway!)  It is way easier to love yourself when you're on the right track, when you're doing your best, when you're on your way to achieving whatever goal you may have set for yourself.  It's much harder to love yourself when you fall short of your goal, when you don't give one hundred percent, when you settle for mediocrity instead of excellence, when you totally lose it and hit the ice cream, hard...  :)  I've had some ups and downs so far this week, and have struggled through it all to see myself as God sees me.  His love for me does not change!  Once, about a year ago, I was looking at myself in the mirror, a rare few moments of silence and solitude. (Especially rare and treasured in the bathroom, as you moms of littles can testify!)  Suffice it to say that I was not particularly pleased with what I saw.  But God spoke to me in the steamy silence of that place.  He said, "Joy, I will never love you more or less than I do right now, even if you never lose another pound, even if you never try to lose another pound...".  It touched me profoundly; I, who had always based my worth on how well I was doing, on how hard I was trying.  God loves me in my broken places, my personal worsts, my days where I just want to crawl back into bed and try again tomorrow.  Do I dare adopt such a view of myself?  Will I give myself licence to slide as a result?  On some days and at some times, yes!  I AM NOT PERFECT!!!  The sooner I come to terms with this, the sooner I learn to accept Joy on her on days as well as her off days, the sooner I can love myself not in spite of but because of my imperfections, the closer I will be to (the) real joy! 

There, that's better!  Thanks for listening, Friend!  I don't know if I warned you before this, but (the) real joy will not always be pretty, positive, upbeat...  The real Joy is determined to be REAL!  (But, oh it's hard sometimes...)  May you be wide-awake to the incredible blessings God is constantly pouring out on all His children, including YOU! (Yes, you!)  May you know real joy today!