Chains

Do you ever get so sick of yourself that you could just scream? No? Just me? (Gotta admit, this character-blogging-in-obedience gig isn't always a picnic - I so often have to write about the stuff I'd rather just keep to myself...) So, you're going along, minding your own business, living your life. You think you're making progress, you're not the person you once were, things are beginning to change and WHOMP! From out of the blue, you get knocked down, turned around, defeated, deflated, back to where you started, or even farther back...I guess I should just chalk it up to being human and move on. But I can't seem to do that; there's something in me that wants to wallow in it, to throw a pity party, to punish and mock myself and mourn my fall from grace...

So I finish writing the paragraph above, wondering where in the world God wants me to go with this, and into my mind pops one of my lie-countering Scriptures (small victory right there!): "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) Today, this tells me that I have no right to condemn myself for anything whatsoever, not even the aforementioned fall.  But I'm curious - whenever there's a "therefore" in a verse, I need to know what comes before to really understand where it's coming from. So, I check out Romans 7, and re-discover one of Paul's most encouraging and entertaining (in my opinion) dialogues; the "I do what I don't want to do and what I want to do I can't" bit (always reminds me a little of the old "Who's On First" skit). His conclusion in it all? "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"(v.25) Because of Jesus' life and death and new life, I have been set free from having to be a slave to all that stuff that holds me back and drags me down. Now to live like I'm free - that's the goal! It's almost comical to picture it: the heavy chains that once held me captive have fallen off, and here I am, running back and insisting on carrying them around! Well, they're familiar, even though they hurt. Moving forward into new territory is always a little scary; it's very tempting, comforting even, to run back to the familiar rather than blazing new trails into the unknown.

Paul also mentions the work of the Holy Spirit in this battle for freedom. He contrasts living according to the desires of the flesh (that's the sin-bondage) with being empowered by the Spirit to live according to what the Spirit (or God, you know, the whole three-in-one thing) desires. I very much needed to be reminded again that I can't do this alone - why do I even try? Thanks be to God, I have another option! And when I choose to let the Holy Spirit lead me and guide me and instruct me, Paul says that I can be MORE than a conqueror! That's very strong language - we're not just conquerors, but even MORE than that! Victory - what a sweet sound!

Thank you, Friends, for journeying with me through all this! Writing it all out helps me to see myself and my life and my God more clearly; it enables me to step back and look at the bigger picture. Perspective, I guess you'd say :)  And to have the honour of sharing it with you - joy overflowing! More than conquerors we are - let's go forth and live in the freedom we already have!  May you know real joy today!

Bah Humbug?

As we get closer and closer to Christmas, I find myself in rather foreign territory. I hardly recognize myself these days! Normally, I LOVE Christmas, and have never lost that child-like sense of wild and joyous anticipation of the season; Christmas music, decorations, baking, shopping, celebrating - all filled me with great joy. This year, however, I find my heart humming a very different tune, indeed. At the risk of being pelted with holly and ivy, or worse, eggnog and candy canes, I simply must confess. When our local Christian radio station switched to all-Christmas-all-the-time, I couldn't bear to listen. We still have yet to decorate - and I'm totally ok with that. The thought of shopping and attending Christmas parties makes me shudder. I have no desire to engage in the very events and activities that have never before failed to make my heart sing.

And so, if you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know that I can't just leave something like this alone. No sir, I must find the root cause and puzzle it all out. So I've been wondering and thinking, praying and asking, why? Is it just that I've finally grown up? No, not likely...Is it because this Christmas will be on the lean side, gift-wise? No, we've had lean Christmases and it made no difference to me...Is it being away from family after enjoying the luxury of celebrating together for the past 3 years? No, we've had many Christmases away from our loved ones and the joy remained. What, then?

The strangest thing in all this is, I'm not sad or worried. I'm not down, depressed or distracted. On the contrary, I find myself in a very contented state (province?). Yet, at the same time, there's a longing, a yearning after...something. All I can figure is that the traditional Christmas stuff isn't enough for me this time around. I need more.  Or maybe I need less. It's like it hurts me to think of this monumental event that changed everything not getting the attention it deserves. It's a desecration to my soul to not see past the tinsel and lights , the turkey and toys, to the foundation, the reason, the meaning under it all. It gets so buried, and I'm not ok with that this year! (I know I run the risk of sounding judgemental and self-righteousness here, but please hear my heart on this...)  It almost feels as if my soul, acting independently of my body and mind, is refusing to be satisfied with anything less than Jesus. All I want to do is worship, to draw attention to this astounding miracle of miracles, to live and breathe and know God-with-us.

That's where I am right now. I'm finding challenges and satisfaction, joy and questions, in navigating these unfamiliar waters.  Can I ask a favour? Would you help me out with a little feedback? What's your take on Christmas this year? How are you celebrating this season? How do you keep the commercialism in check? What steps are you taking to remember Jesus?  Thank you, Friends! May you know real joy today!

Unrest

It's happening again...I've been pondering, praying, writing about and trying to figure out how to cultivate an atmosphere of rest in my life, and BAM! I've been hit with such a heavy spirit of un-rest, anti-rest, even; it's almost overwhelming. Worries, fears, doubts, insecurities, questions...I should expect it by now, I know; I shouldn't be surprised when the evil one tries to snatch away whatever good seed has been planted in me. I'm trying to be thankful; the ideal conditions now exist in which to test my rest theories. When my beliefs and convictions are tested by fire and come out intact on the other side, that's when I know they're the real deal; that they'll stand the test of time, too.

I'm learning to more readily identify this kind of attack; I'm quicker to launch counter-manoeuvres to reduce the amount of damage done by the enemy of my soul. While I may get temporarily pulled under, I'm able to get my feet back on solid ground by identifying the lies being whispered to my spirit and calling to mind the Truths I know that will cause him to flee. This is what came to mind today:

 

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honour depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

(Psalm 62:5-8)

 

I'll not take the time  today to unpack the many treasures and truths in this passage - I wanted to share it because I know there are those facing similar assaults to your spirits. Whatever hard truth you're being called to live out today - stand firm! He is our strong fortress, our mighty rock; we will NOT be shaken! May you know real joy today!