As we get closer and closer to Christmas, I find myself in rather foreign territory. I hardly recognize myself these days! Normally, I LOVE Christmas, and have never lost that child-like sense of wild and joyous anticipation of the season; Christmas music, decorations, baking, shopping, celebrating - all filled me with great joy. This year, however, I find my heart humming a very different tune, indeed. At the risk of being pelted with holly and ivy, or worse, eggnog and candy canes, I simply must confess. When our local Christian radio station switched to all-Christmas-all-the-time, I couldn't bear to listen. We still have yet to decorate - and I'm totally ok with that. The thought of shopping and attending Christmas parties makes me shudder. I have no desire to engage in the very events and activities that have never before failed to make my heart sing.
And so, if you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know that I can't just leave something like this alone. No sir, I must find the root cause and puzzle it all out. So I've been wondering and thinking, praying and asking, why? Is it just that I've finally grown up? No, not likely...Is it because this Christmas will be on the lean side, gift-wise? No, we've had lean Christmases and it made no difference to me...Is it being away from family after enjoying the luxury of celebrating together for the past 3 years? No, we've had many Christmases away from our loved ones and the joy remained. What, then?
The strangest thing in all this is, I'm not sad or worried. I'm not down, depressed or distracted. On the contrary, I find myself in a very contented state (province?). Yet, at the same time, there's a longing, a yearning after...something. All I can figure is that the traditional Christmas stuff isn't enough for me this time around. I need more. Or maybe I need less. It's like it hurts me to think of this monumental event that changed everything not getting the attention it deserves. It's a desecration to my soul to not see past the tinsel and lights , the turkey and toys, to the foundation, the reason, the meaning under it all. It gets so buried, and I'm not ok with that this year! (I know I run the risk of sounding judgemental and self-righteousness here, but please hear my heart on this...) It almost feels as if my soul, acting independently of my body and mind, is refusing to be satisfied with anything less than Jesus. All I want to do is worship, to draw attention to this astounding miracle of miracles, to live and breathe and know God-with-us.
That's where I am right now. I'm finding challenges and satisfaction, joy and questions, in navigating these unfamiliar waters. Can I ask a favour? Would you help me out with a little feedback? What's your take on Christmas this year? How are you celebrating this season? How do you keep the commercialism in check? What steps are you taking to remember Jesus? Thank you, Friends! May you know real joy today!