I did something last night. Brazen? Crazy? Pointless? I don't know. I'd been planning on doing it for some time, but wasn't altogether sure I'd actually go through with it. Part of me is still shaking my head, wondering at my nerve. Most is me is chuckling, convinced that there's not a chance this will go anywhere. A tiny piece is hopeful - that maybe there's the slightest possibility that something good will come from this audacious move.
I submitted one of my songs to a fairly major Christian artist competition - with three whole days to spare before the entry deadline! (My university profs would be shocked...) The song I chose was the first one I ever wrote - way back in May :) I think I've mentioned bits of that journey, but I'd like to pull it all together here and point to God's ridiculous grace and immeasurable goodness in the midst of this great adventure.
Let me start by stating that I turned the big four - oh this past January. I sang my first solo in church when I was three and started leading worship at the age of twelve. I've been at this for awhile. But I had never written a song. I had always wanted to - I had asked God numerous times throughout the course of my life for that gift. But to no avail...until May 7th, 2015. (Timing is everything!)
I was journalling that morning, as I often do. I had been dealing with some issues, and was able, that morning, to begin to let go of what I was holding on to so tightly. I was blown away by how tenaciously God loved me, even in the midst of all my messes, flaws and disobedience. I turned the page in my journal, and ten minutes later had scribbled down three verses, a chorus and a bridge. I then started singing out the words to whatever tune came to me, and in another ten minutes had a melody.
I had no keyboard in the house, so I ran down the road to the church I attended at the time, and where I had been teaching myself to play piano for several months, having been given permission to use the sanctuary during the day. I spent a couple of hours figuring out what chords went with the melody (that was the hardest part, having little background in theory or composition). Then, I recorded it so I could remember it, which I demoed that afternoon on my (singer/musician/writer/producer) husband. I was kind of stunned at how it all came together.
I had worship team practice that night. When someone asked how my day had been, I tried to conceal my sheer delight, and failing utterly, exclaimed "I wrote a song!". My team leader, an accomplished singer/songwriter himself, said, "Let's hear it." Too nervous to play it live, I got out my phone and replayed the recording I'd made earlier. It was shaky, to say the least.
Be that as it may, the next words out of my team leader's mouth were, "No pressure, but do you want to play it on Sunday?" Say what?!? Apparently, the theme of my little song went perfectly with the text of the day. Terrified as I most certainly was, I agreed, and spent the next two days practicing, freaking out and marveling over the fact that I had actually written this thing I was getting so much joy out of. (I'll be eternally grateful for this first opportunity to share my fledgling efforts - it proved to be a springboard for all that has followed - thank you, Friend.)
And the rest, as they say, is history...Forty-one-songs-in-four-months later, I'm looking forward with anticipation to how God will keep using this gift He's so generously given. Going forward with open hands and heart, following His lead.