Raw

My soul is feeling pretty raw these days. The effects of writing this blog, along with some other writing projects I'm currently working on, are starting to take a toll. As more people are reading these posts (which is the point, I know), my real life is colliding with my blogging life to an alarming degree. Maybe not alarming exactly, but it's beginning to sink in that people I interact with on a regular basis, and a wide variety of influential people from my past and present, know. They know how weak I am, what I struggle with, the mistakes I've made, the doubts I have - in short (smile), the real Joy...For most of this journey, I've been ok with that. It's what I was called to do, after all. All this soul-searching has had a very therapeutic effect, resulting in some learning and growth, I hope.


The past few weeks, however, have been filled with heavy things - not much more than at other times, now that I think about it, but combined with the time of year and being sick for awhile and the nature of these particular heavy things, it's become too much all of a sudden. I've sat down a dozen times to try and write something, but my soul simply refused to reveal any more. A couple of feeble attempts resulted in some fake, happy, inauthentic drivel that I couldn't be ok with publishing. The best I could come up with recently was a Facebook status that was more of a whine than anything else...


And now? I just want to hide away for awhile, to be still and listen and heal. To allow my Father to minister to my soul-sores. I'm not sure what that will mean for this blog - I might be back in a week, I might take a year off, or anything in between - it's not clear to me at this point. I want to thank every single one of you for taking the time to peruse these pages, and thank you even more for the support and encouragement and prayers that have resulted. You are a tremendous blessing to me!

The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you

 and give you peace.

(Numbers 6:24-26)