Pressing on...

Hello?  Is anybody still there?  You may (or may not) be wondering where I've been for the past eight months...Well, to sum up, I've: almost lost my marriage, gained 15 pounds, quit 2 jobs, celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary, finished out our first year of homeschooling, rescued a kitten, bought a trampoline, claimed a home office space, started a ministry, felt a call to start another, seriously considered shaving my head (still may!), fallen more in love with my hubby and kids, been exposed to insane amounts of wisdom and knowledge (and possibly absorbed a bit) and been learning to lean more and more on God's grace.  It's been a wild ride, roller coaster-ish in the most cliche ways, up and down and up and down and around and around and around...

Fast-forward to today, July 16th, 2011.  I'm feeling brand new, ready to roll, anticipating the next steps of the journey.  (Yay!)  I was driving home the other night from a few hours out with myself (courtesy of my dear hubby) when I found myself crying out to God with an honesty I'd never dared before.  I confessed that I'd been trying to make it on my own for far too long, that to continue down the road I was on was going to kill me, spiritually and eventually, physically.  I told Him that I quit; that I was (finally) ready for Him to really take control, really be in charge of my days, my decisions, my body, mind and spirit.  "Body" is the real focus here; I'd never been actually willing to surrender my body to God.  Food and I have had a very dysfunctional, distorted relationship for many years.  I've recently come to realize that food has been my god, that I'd call on food for comfort, rejoice in food, reach for food in times of joy, sorrow, boredom, anger - you get the picture.  And I was never really willing to let that go, the power that food has over me, no matter how much I knew I would benefit from letting go, no matter how much weight I gained, no matter how crappy I felt...because it was so good, whatever it was, right there in that moment.  A couple of verses that I have known for 25 years have recently become my new inspiration:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  

Romans 12:1-2

These verses speak to me on so many levels, but what jumps out at me every time I read them is how connected the mind and body are.  How do we transform our bodies?  By the renewing of our minds!  The pattern of this world is self-indulgence, over-indulgence.  God has a different, better, plan for us!  And it's a plan that involves sacrifice...how counter-cultural is that?!  And that is true worship, offering up to Him that which we'd give anything to hold on to.  But what do we receive as a result?  Knowledge, wisdom!  Who doesn't want to know God's will?  He's telling us here how to tap into His very heart for us!  It's all connected: body, mind and spirit. 

I'm so excited!  Excited to offer my body as a living sacrifice - can you believe it?  I can't!  For two days now (I know, it's not much, but it's a start!) I've been living according to this concept, and it has been transformational!  I'm hungry, I'll admit it, but (and this may sound weird) it feels like a holy hunger, not just physical but spiritual, a hungering after God Himself...It's making me aware of Him and His presence with me and how He wants to fill me...

My dear friends, thank you so much for allowing me to share my journey with you!  I'd appreciate your prayers, and I'd love to hear your stories and support you in prayer, too.  See you soon! (sooner than 8 months, I hope and pray!)   May you know real joy today!