Feeelings, Nothing More than Feeelings

Emotions - what a bane and a blessing! Tricky little things, aren't they? For something so abstract, so impalpable, they certainly pull some weight! If you had asked me how my day was at 6:30 pm today, I would have responded with "great" or "excellent" or "awesome". If you had asked me around 7 pm, it would have been more like "ugh" or "don't ask" or "tomorrow's a new day". And nothing horrible or dramatic or tragic occurred in that scant half-hour, just a couple of tiny little incidents that were enough to make my heart whisper "you're not worth it" and  "don't bother trying". Feelings of inadequacy, fear and failure that threatened to completely skew my perception of myself and the day...

There are many who never seem to get past the stage where whatever they feel becomes their reality, regardless of the facts. I spent the majority of my years in that category, a slave to my feelings. The tragedy of it all was the fact that I knew Jesus, knew of His great love and grace, knew who He said I was...but since I didn't feel it, I was unable to live as if it was all true for me! For example, the Bible tells me that NOTHING can separate me from God's love - NOTHING! (Romans 8:38-39) However, in my feelings-enslaved state, it appeared to me that there were plenty of things in my past and present that were more than capable of separating me from that love. I didn't feel that I deserved such unconditional love and forgiveness. I didn't feel loved, I didn't feel forgiven, I didn't feel clean or new or free or any of that... And so for years and years, I lived a life of guilt and shame and fear and defeat and more guilt; because not only did I not feel loved and forgiven and free, I felt horribly guilty that I didn't feel loved and forgiven and free! Christians are supposed to get that, right? Why couldn't I? A very sad, empty, exhausting way to live...

I have since learned the real, honest-to-goodness truth (hear this good and loud, Friend): I do not have to let my feelings define my reality. How I feel has nothing to do with who I am, and more importantly, whose I am. Does that mean that I no longer have these emotions that tie me up in knots and shake the foundations of my world? No, they're still there - but I have a weapon now. Well, it was always there, but now I'm learning how to use it effectively. Here's the principle:" we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". (II Corinthians 10:5b) It's an act of the will, pure and simple (ok, not so simple) - I'm training myself to examine those thoughts and feelings that invade my life and try to bring me down, and to have on hand power-packed Scriptures that disprove the lies and fortify my heart against future attacks. Let me leave you with a couple of particularly effective ones, near and dear to my heart:

When I feel unworthy of love: "He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

When I'm tired and want to quit: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

When I worry: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

There is such power in the word of God! God-breathed, living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword! Use it - learn it, memorize it, sing it, meditate upon it, put it up in your house, listen to it, surround yourself with it, hide it in your heart, let it saturate your life!

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling

and to present you before his glorious presence

without fault and with great joy -

to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority,

through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

(Jude 1:24) 

Writer's Block Be Gone! (or Happy New Year!)

I've been trying for over a week now to think of something to write that might be worth someone's time, but to no avail...I tend to write only when inspiration strikes, which is fine when it does, but if I hope to finish this book before I'm 98, I need a new plan. I think I've mentioned before that discipline doesn't exactly rank high on my list of strengths, but with the victory I'm experiencing in the health and wellness category, I'm ready for new heights to conquer!

Which means, in practical terms, that I hope to publish at least one blog post each week, no matter what. (I'm not promising they'll all be home runs, but hopefully base hits at the very least :) )There - I've written it down, I have a plan, and you'll help to hold me accountable, right? :) I'm not a fan of accountability in general, but that's mostly because I'm lazy and have an innate aversion to authority, not because there's anything inherently wrong with the concept. I think the basis of this aversion lies in my fear of failure, which is ultimately founded in my fear of disapproval. In my people-pleasing delusion, success equals approval, failure (defined here as not meeting perceived expectations) equals condemnation. However, I am hereby changing the rules of the game! (It's my game, I can do that...) I will strive for excellence (NOT perfection) and try to be content with whatever that effort happens to produce, and I will not wallow in guilt for failing to meet my own and/or others' expectations. ('cause you know it's gonna happen...)

And that brings me to what I've been pondering this week.  In the words of a song (that I really don't care for but serves my purpose here):

And so this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

A new one's just begun

(John Lennon)

 

Christmas has come and gone and a new year is peeking around the corner. Just what have I done? What do I hope to do (and more importantly, BE) in 2014? While I have pretty much given up on New Year's resolutions per se, to me these questions are essential, this year more than ever. What did I get right? What can I work on? What needs changing or pruning or improvement?  What needs to go? What has earned the right to stay? I know it sounds trite, but we have such a short time in this world to make our mark - what kind of imprint, or legacy, do we want to leave?

 

Allow me to leave you with one last thought:

 

Let us throw off everything that hinders

and the sin that so easily entangles.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus...

(from Hebrews 12)

 

"The race marked out for us"...that's my over-arching goal for 2014, to run the race marked out for me; on my own racetrack, not competing against any other runner, but running to achieve my own personal best...And how? Here it is again: "fixing our eyes on Jesus".

 

Bless you, dear Friends - a thousand thousand thanks for journeying with me along this road! I pray that grace and peace would be yours in abundance, and that you, too, may know the real joy of "running with perseverance the race marked out" for you!







Peace

Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of an obsession? Something so distracting, so consuming, that it fills your thoughts and your days, even to the point of affecting your ability to do the things you need to do? An emotional tyrant, it takes control of your feelings and is always lurking in the corners of your mind, forcing its way to the forefront of your thoughts at every opportunity.

I freely admit that food was once my obsession, but thanks be to God, I'm being delivered from that even as I type. In the past 6 weeks, I've started eating better, eating less, exercising more and am down 10 pounds so far - an encouraging beginning to this journey! And even more amazing to me, my whole attitude has done an about-face!  It was a little Oswald Chambers quote that, with just a few words, did away with all my excuses:

 

"There is nothing for which Jesus Christ is not amply sufficient

and over which He cannot make us more than conquerors."

Oswald Chambers

 

"More than conquerors"! How I love that phrase! And walking in victory, day after day, is such a beautiful thing - there's a reason we say "amazing grace"! I want to be a living testimony of God's grace and power; make no mistake, this is ALL Him. He's the one providing the fuel for this change; anytime I've tried to make changes in the past, it was all me - striving, working, worrying, falling, and ultimately failing, over and over again...It's a cycle that really wears on a person after years and years of it. But it seems that victory gives birth to victory, step by step, moment by moment, decision by decision, all given over to the One who gives us the victory, all for His glory!

 

However, just as I seem to be experiencing some victory in this particular area of my life, another obsession has stealthily crept in, silently claiming territory without my knowledge or consent. (Actually, to be completely truthful, I'm sure I gave permission without really considering the consequences - no pointing fingers here; I must take responsibility for my own actions and decisions.) In any case, it's now firmly embedded in my consciousness and now I'm dealing with the fallout. As with most obsessions, it started out benignly, innocently enough, and even appeared to be something positive, healthy, beneficial - and it could be, had I not allowed it to take me over. By God's grace, I've finally heard the none-too-gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit and can acknowledge the wrong and begin to correct the patterns that have developed as a result. But what a pain in the neck! What a waste of time and energy and effort that could have been poured into something useful, valuable, Kingdom-worthy...

 

Maybe human nature is prone to obsession; maybe there's a void in each of us that must be filled at all costs? Of course there is - we were made for this! I know, you know - only ONE can fill this need. Only One is worthy of being the object of our obsession - everything else falls so very short.

 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." 

Isaiah 26:3&4, ESV

 

Peace, such a beautiful word, yet so elusive - while our minds are parked anywhere but on our great God. May we seek to continually fix our eyes, hearts and minds on Jesus - to discover true peace, and real joy.