My most significant weakness, the big one that affects every single aspect of my life, the one that has held me back from success and deep relationships and caused me to miss so many amazing opportunities - is laziness! Perhaps I've confessed that before here, in one way or another? My lazy perfectionism, my lack of discipline, my tendency to quit when the going gets the least bit rough, my write-a-blog-post-every-three-months habit...~smile~ I know how unbiblical laziness is, I know Proverbs points lazies to the commendable ant's work ethic and predicts doom and destruction for those so inclined, but my most excellent pastor's text this morning caused me to see all this in a brand-new light:
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus..." Hebrews 12:1b, 2a
Being the lazy person I am, I've gotten pretty good at asking God to change me, remake me, undo me, transform me, etc... relying firmly on the "not of yourself, it is the gift of God" thing in Ephesians 2. I'd repent, surrender, beg God to change me...then sit back and wait for something to happen! (and then get terribly discouraged when nothing did...) Now I don't know about you, but the above verses from Hebrews seem to suggest to me some action! Lots of verbs in that short passage, throwing off and running...very active verbs, to boot! When I picture someone doing what that verse suggests, I see big movement, active participation, planned and thoughtful motion! Motion with exclamation points! ~smile~ And not only does it suggest action, the verb tense may indicate a repeated, continual action, particularly the racing imagery - one doesn't just run a single pace, one continues to put one foot in front of the other until the race is completed (or until one collapses from exhaustion three minutes in...). I'm coming to see the whole thing as a continuous, keep-on-keeping-on kind of exercise. "Let us keep on throw(ing) off everything that hinders...and let us keep on run(ning) with perseverance..." For me, this changes everything! I have a part to play in this "change my heart, O God" operation!
Lest I alarm anyone with all this "me" talk, let us continue on to the last bit I quoted above: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus". That's what makes any of this possible at all. Without Him, I can't even take one step, let alone hope to finish the race. But that's the part I knew already, it just didn't help me because I was waiting for Him to swoop in and make me thin and my bank account fat and my house clean, make me disciplined, make me practice hospitality, make me show love to others...His power + my action = a step in the right direction!
I think that's all for now. Next is to take a good look at my life and determine what exactly is hindering and entangling me, so I can throw it off, and keep throwing it off! Looking forward to some serious self-evaluation and reflection - definitely not something that comes naturally for me. And some action! God's already shown me some places where I can get moving right away - literally! I have been so very weary and unmotivated and apathetic and discouraged for weeks now, and I just couldn't get to the root of the problem - until today. Excited and wary and cautiously hopeful - I know exactly how much running hurts, and am anticipating how hard it will be to actually throw off that which hinders and entangles... Bless you, Friend, for journeying along with me - may you know real joy today!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Remembrance
I was sitting in church this morning, waiting for the deacons to serve the communion bread. I was praying silently, "You have done so much for me, God...." when I had a sudden realization: God hasn't just done "so much" - He's done it ALL! My salvation is complete in Him, my freedom from sin and self is thoroughly accomplished in Him, my acceptance into His family as His precious daughter is DONE in Him! There are no hoops to jump through, no tests to pass, no striving to make it - it's DONE! You know that old hymn, "Jesus Paid It All"? He really did! Hallelujah!
Pastor Mike was talking about remembering today, remembering the high price paid for our freedom as a country. I am so thankful for those men and women who were and are willing to give their very lives for my freedom and for the freedom of my children and their children, though they didn't/don't even know me. It's pretty mind-boggling! And as amazing as their sacrifice was/is, how awesome is it that Jesus made that ultimate sacrifice not for my rights and privileges as a Canadian, but to purchase my freedom for life and eternity! And not for some unknown stranger in a generation yet to come, but already knowing every little thing about me...knowing I would betray Him, I would forget Him, I would take Him for granted, I would be selfish and lazy and unloving and ungrateful and deceitful and selfish some more... I want to remember. I want so much to live in an atmosphere of Christ, sharing every thought, every joy, trial, struggle, battle, triumph, every breath a prayer. And I think an important step to getting there is remembering that Jesus has indeed done it ALL. I can't seem to get away from the cliche "let go and let God..." because it's true! I have absolutely no need to hold on to anything because He's already done it all, already planned it all out, already written the story - and even promised that the ending is really good! What freedom there is in knowing that everything's been taken care of, all the little details have been attended to, all the i's dotted and t's crossed...by the One who loved me enough to sacrifice everything for my sake! Why, oh why can't I rest in this? Why, oh why do I continue to scurry around as if everything were up to me, as if I were the one in control? May we learn to rest in those oh-so-capable arms that are so very willing to hold us, and in doing so, may we take one more step towards finding real joy. Bless you, Friends!
Pastor Mike was talking about remembering today, remembering the high price paid for our freedom as a country. I am so thankful for those men and women who were and are willing to give their very lives for my freedom and for the freedom of my children and their children, though they didn't/don't even know me. It's pretty mind-boggling! And as amazing as their sacrifice was/is, how awesome is it that Jesus made that ultimate sacrifice not for my rights and privileges as a Canadian, but to purchase my freedom for life and eternity! And not for some unknown stranger in a generation yet to come, but already knowing every little thing about me...knowing I would betray Him, I would forget Him, I would take Him for granted, I would be selfish and lazy and unloving and ungrateful and deceitful and selfish some more... I want to remember. I want so much to live in an atmosphere of Christ, sharing every thought, every joy, trial, struggle, battle, triumph, every breath a prayer. And I think an important step to getting there is remembering that Jesus has indeed done it ALL. I can't seem to get away from the cliche "let go and let God..." because it's true! I have absolutely no need to hold on to anything because He's already done it all, already planned it all out, already written the story - and even promised that the ending is really good! What freedom there is in knowing that everything's been taken care of, all the little details have been attended to, all the i's dotted and t's crossed...by the One who loved me enough to sacrifice everything for my sake! Why, oh why can't I rest in this? Why, oh why do I continue to scurry around as if everything were up to me, as if I were the one in control? May we learn to rest in those oh-so-capable arms that are so very willing to hold us, and in doing so, may we take one more step towards finding real joy. Bless you, Friends!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Routine...
I'm writing a book - did I tell you that? Do you know the one thing I believe to be essential to writing a book, or any grand undertaking, for that matter? DISCIPLINE! Wanna know my biggest weakness? DISCIPLINE! Argh! I've discovered something about myself lately, and it's driving me crazy because I have no idea how on earth to overcome it - I'm a lazy perfectionist! Oxymoron, right? Well, what it boils down to for me is that if I don't think a particular thing/task/goal will be easy to do/achieve perfectly, I don't even want to attempt it. Up until very recently, I didn't think I was a perfectionist at all; in fact, I prided myself on my non-perfectionism! It seemed that the author of virtually every blog I read was outing herself as a "recovering perfectionist" and all they wrote about was how to slow down, how focus on yourself, how to be ok with "good enough", and so on...Well, as a stay-at-home unschooling family, we're about as slow as you can go (which I love!), and I've always been ok with "good enough", particularly in all things clean.~grimace~ I didn't fit the traditional "perfectionist" mold, so I thought I was ok. I mean, sure, I had other issues, but not that, right? Wrong!
Which makes it really hard to write a book! I'm convinced it's something I'm supposed to attempt, I believe I have something of value to share, but sitting down and actually writing it? Or even scheduling time to sit down and write? Setting up a routine for myself and my family that includes quiet, uninterrupted time for Mommy to work on her book on a regular basis? I'm realizing that, in spite of my mania for to-do lists and punctuality, I've been the kind of person who just lets life happen, who goes with the flow, with whatever will most easily produce the closest-to-perfect results...Ugh! I don't want to live like that! I want to live with purpose, to make my days count, to intentionally raise my kids to love and serve Jesus, to purposefully find ways to let my husband know he's loved and valued, to reach out into my world and share a message of hope and joy...I want to know what it is to sacrifice, to put forth a real effort, to try, even to fail! But the thing is, I get bursts of resolve like this every so often, I put forth an effort for a bit, then the inevitable "something" comes up, and I find a good excuse to go back to the way things were, the way I was. I'm so tired of that vicious cycle. It's a trap - a self-sufficiency trap. As long as I believe I can pull myself up by my bootstraps (do you have boots with straps? I don't...) and succeed just by trying harder, by putting forth more effort, even by employing time management tricks and putting into place the magic "right" routine, I will remain trapped in this circle of trying and failing.
Solution? Stop striving. Let go. Let God... I know that's cliche by now, but it most accurately expresses what's on my mind tonight. You know, I was thinking of this verse in Colossians that I wanted to use to make my point, when Paul says that he's "struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me". (Col. 1:29) Not my energy, but His energy...When I went to biblegateway.com to find the verse, I had to laugh because I forgot what Paul was struggling with all His energy to do: "to present everyone perfect in Christ"! (1:28) Perfect in Christ! ~smile~
I have a feeling, however, that this discovery (or re-discovery, 'cause I know this stuff, I just forget - a lot!) is only the very beginning; that now a long process is in order to reprogram my brain and adjust to a new way of thinking - again - and that perseverance and trust will become the names of the game. I am so very thankful that God never gives up on me, no matter how many times a lesson needs to be drilled into my heart and head. Hope is a beautiful thing! Bless you, my Friends! May you know real joy today!
Which makes it really hard to write a book! I'm convinced it's something I'm supposed to attempt, I believe I have something of value to share, but sitting down and actually writing it? Or even scheduling time to sit down and write? Setting up a routine for myself and my family that includes quiet, uninterrupted time for Mommy to work on her book on a regular basis? I'm realizing that, in spite of my mania for to-do lists and punctuality, I've been the kind of person who just lets life happen, who goes with the flow, with whatever will most easily produce the closest-to-perfect results...Ugh! I don't want to live like that! I want to live with purpose, to make my days count, to intentionally raise my kids to love and serve Jesus, to purposefully find ways to let my husband know he's loved and valued, to reach out into my world and share a message of hope and joy...I want to know what it is to sacrifice, to put forth a real effort, to try, even to fail! But the thing is, I get bursts of resolve like this every so often, I put forth an effort for a bit, then the inevitable "something" comes up, and I find a good excuse to go back to the way things were, the way I was. I'm so tired of that vicious cycle. It's a trap - a self-sufficiency trap. As long as I believe I can pull myself up by my bootstraps (do you have boots with straps? I don't...) and succeed just by trying harder, by putting forth more effort, even by employing time management tricks and putting into place the magic "right" routine, I will remain trapped in this circle of trying and failing.
Solution? Stop striving. Let go. Let God... I know that's cliche by now, but it most accurately expresses what's on my mind tonight. You know, I was thinking of this verse in Colossians that I wanted to use to make my point, when Paul says that he's "struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me". (Col. 1:29) Not my energy, but His energy...When I went to biblegateway.com to find the verse, I had to laugh because I forgot what Paul was struggling with all His energy to do: "to present everyone perfect in Christ"! (1:28) Perfect in Christ! ~smile~
I have a feeling, however, that this discovery (or re-discovery, 'cause I know this stuff, I just forget - a lot!) is only the very beginning; that now a long process is in order to reprogram my brain and adjust to a new way of thinking - again - and that perseverance and trust will become the names of the game. I am so very thankful that God never gives up on me, no matter how many times a lesson needs to be drilled into my heart and head. Hope is a beautiful thing! Bless you, my Friends! May you know real joy today!
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