I was sitting in church this morning, waiting for the deacons to serve the communion bread. I was praying silently, "You have done so much for me, God...." when I had a sudden realization: God hasn't just done "so much" - He's done it ALL! My salvation is complete in Him, my freedom from sin and self is thoroughly accomplished in Him, my acceptance into His family as His precious daughter is DONE in Him! There are no hoops to jump through, no tests to pass, no striving to make it - it's DONE! You know that old hymn, "Jesus Paid It All"? He really did! Hallelujah!
Pastor Mike was talking about remembering today, remembering the high price paid for our freedom as a country. I am so thankful for those men and women who were and are willing to give their very lives for my freedom and for the freedom of my children and their children, though they didn't/don't even know me. It's pretty mind-boggling! And as amazing as their sacrifice was/is, how awesome is it that Jesus made that ultimate sacrifice not for my rights and privileges as a Canadian, but to purchase my freedom for life and eternity! And not for some unknown stranger in a generation yet to come, but already knowing every little thing about me...knowing I would betray Him, I would forget Him, I would take Him for granted, I would be selfish and lazy and unloving and ungrateful and deceitful and selfish some more... I want to remember. I want so much to live in an atmosphere of Christ, sharing every thought, every joy, trial, struggle, battle, triumph, every breath a prayer. And I think an important step to getting there is remembering that Jesus has indeed done it ALL. I can't seem to get away from the cliche "let go and let God..." because it's true! I have absolutely no need to hold on to anything because He's already done it all, already planned it all out, already written the story - and even promised that the ending is really good! What freedom there is in knowing that everything's been taken care of, all the little details have been attended to, all the i's dotted and t's crossed...by the One who loved me enough to sacrifice everything for my sake! Why, oh why can't I rest in this? Why, oh why do I continue to scurry around as if everything were up to me, as if I were the one in control? May we learn to rest in those oh-so-capable arms that are so very willing to hold us, and in doing so, may we take one more step towards finding real joy. Bless you, Friends!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Routine...
I'm writing a book - did I tell you that? Do you know the one thing I believe to be essential to writing a book, or any grand undertaking, for that matter? DISCIPLINE! Wanna know my biggest weakness? DISCIPLINE! Argh! I've discovered something about myself lately, and it's driving me crazy because I have no idea how on earth to overcome it - I'm a lazy perfectionist! Oxymoron, right? Well, what it boils down to for me is that if I don't think a particular thing/task/goal will be easy to do/achieve perfectly, I don't even want to attempt it. Up until very recently, I didn't think I was a perfectionist at all; in fact, I prided myself on my non-perfectionism! It seemed that the author of virtually every blog I read was outing herself as a "recovering perfectionist" and all they wrote about was how to slow down, how focus on yourself, how to be ok with "good enough", and so on...Well, as a stay-at-home unschooling family, we're about as slow as you can go (which I love!), and I've always been ok with "good enough", particularly in all things clean.~grimace~ I didn't fit the traditional "perfectionist" mold, so I thought I was ok. I mean, sure, I had other issues, but not that, right? Wrong!
Which makes it really hard to write a book! I'm convinced it's something I'm supposed to attempt, I believe I have something of value to share, but sitting down and actually writing it? Or even scheduling time to sit down and write? Setting up a routine for myself and my family that includes quiet, uninterrupted time for Mommy to work on her book on a regular basis? I'm realizing that, in spite of my mania for to-do lists and punctuality, I've been the kind of person who just lets life happen, who goes with the flow, with whatever will most easily produce the closest-to-perfect results...Ugh! I don't want to live like that! I want to live with purpose, to make my days count, to intentionally raise my kids to love and serve Jesus, to purposefully find ways to let my husband know he's loved and valued, to reach out into my world and share a message of hope and joy...I want to know what it is to sacrifice, to put forth a real effort, to try, even to fail! But the thing is, I get bursts of resolve like this every so often, I put forth an effort for a bit, then the inevitable "something" comes up, and I find a good excuse to go back to the way things were, the way I was. I'm so tired of that vicious cycle. It's a trap - a self-sufficiency trap. As long as I believe I can pull myself up by my bootstraps (do you have boots with straps? I don't...) and succeed just by trying harder, by putting forth more effort, even by employing time management tricks and putting into place the magic "right" routine, I will remain trapped in this circle of trying and failing.
Solution? Stop striving. Let go. Let God... I know that's cliche by now, but it most accurately expresses what's on my mind tonight. You know, I was thinking of this verse in Colossians that I wanted to use to make my point, when Paul says that he's "struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me". (Col. 1:29) Not my energy, but His energy...When I went to biblegateway.com to find the verse, I had to laugh because I forgot what Paul was struggling with all His energy to do: "to present everyone perfect in Christ"! (1:28) Perfect in Christ! ~smile~
I have a feeling, however, that this discovery (or re-discovery, 'cause I know this stuff, I just forget - a lot!) is only the very beginning; that now a long process is in order to reprogram my brain and adjust to a new way of thinking - again - and that perseverance and trust will become the names of the game. I am so very thankful that God never gives up on me, no matter how many times a lesson needs to be drilled into my heart and head. Hope is a beautiful thing! Bless you, my Friends! May you know real joy today!
Which makes it really hard to write a book! I'm convinced it's something I'm supposed to attempt, I believe I have something of value to share, but sitting down and actually writing it? Or even scheduling time to sit down and write? Setting up a routine for myself and my family that includes quiet, uninterrupted time for Mommy to work on her book on a regular basis? I'm realizing that, in spite of my mania for to-do lists and punctuality, I've been the kind of person who just lets life happen, who goes with the flow, with whatever will most easily produce the closest-to-perfect results...Ugh! I don't want to live like that! I want to live with purpose, to make my days count, to intentionally raise my kids to love and serve Jesus, to purposefully find ways to let my husband know he's loved and valued, to reach out into my world and share a message of hope and joy...I want to know what it is to sacrifice, to put forth a real effort, to try, even to fail! But the thing is, I get bursts of resolve like this every so often, I put forth an effort for a bit, then the inevitable "something" comes up, and I find a good excuse to go back to the way things were, the way I was. I'm so tired of that vicious cycle. It's a trap - a self-sufficiency trap. As long as I believe I can pull myself up by my bootstraps (do you have boots with straps? I don't...) and succeed just by trying harder, by putting forth more effort, even by employing time management tricks and putting into place the magic "right" routine, I will remain trapped in this circle of trying and failing.
Solution? Stop striving. Let go. Let God... I know that's cliche by now, but it most accurately expresses what's on my mind tonight. You know, I was thinking of this verse in Colossians that I wanted to use to make my point, when Paul says that he's "struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me". (Col. 1:29) Not my energy, but His energy...When I went to biblegateway.com to find the verse, I had to laugh because I forgot what Paul was struggling with all His energy to do: "to present everyone perfect in Christ"! (1:28) Perfect in Christ! ~smile~
I have a feeling, however, that this discovery (or re-discovery, 'cause I know this stuff, I just forget - a lot!) is only the very beginning; that now a long process is in order to reprogram my brain and adjust to a new way of thinking - again - and that perseverance and trust will become the names of the game. I am so very thankful that God never gives up on me, no matter how many times a lesson needs to be drilled into my heart and head. Hope is a beautiful thing! Bless you, my Friends! May you know real joy today!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Live the Journey
I have been enjoying the most freedom-filled holiday...it's almost beyond words! It's the annual Grandkids' Weekend at my parents' place, where they are currently playing hosts to 5 wonderful children, ages 2 to 10. My sister and I wanted to be near in case the little ones needed us, so we decided to take a room in a lovely retreat centre about 20 minutes away from all the fun in Avondale. And what a place! We're the only guests here, and have been served and pampered and fed to our hearts' content - it's been wonderful! And the talking! My sister and I have not had more than an hour together, sans children, in 10 years! A sister is like a best friend, only better because of all the shared history. :) We've been enjoying a weekend of reminiscing down various memory lanes, as well as thoroughly discussing our present joys and struggles, and sharing our hopes for the future. My sister is a very wise woman, and I can't begin to describe all that I've learned from her, this weekend alone! But as we've been talking, a few patterns have emerged that I think relate to this quest for (the) real joy that I'm on...
Forgiveness and release: Everyone and their dog has issues that stem from childhood, it's unavoidable. Unless we learn differently, we tend to persist in these patterns of behaviour right up into adulthood. An important step on the great and glorious path to freedom is recognizing the roots of those issues, laying it all on the cross, forgiving those involved that need forgiving and releasing them from further blame/responsibility for our misery, habit, issue, etc... There comes a time in each person's life when, regardless of our past, we need to assume responsibility for our own actions and reactions. Forgiveness and release are beautiful things...
Life is a journey: This may be obvious, but a startling realization dawned on me the other day. I discovered a lie that was affecting how I reacted to my circumstances, buried so deeply that I was practically unaware of it. Particularly in my marriage, but also in many other areas, I'd subconsciously been working, praying, trying, striving to get to a point where I could breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Ahhhh, we've arrived... From now on, this will be pure bliss!" It's pretty clear to me now that this will never be the case and is actually not the goal at all! I've constantly found myself working towards that, thinking we'd arrived, enjoying the few days/hours/moments of bliss, then being completely disillusioned when something happened (I think it's called life?) to interrupt the bliss and feeling slapped in the face when reality set in. It's sort of like when Peter and James and John witnessed the transfiguration of Jesus. After Jesus had blazed glory, Moses and Elijah appeared and talked with Him. Peter, likely totally blown away, wanted to stay put there on the mountain top, offered to build shelters for Jesus and Moses and Elijah so they could all stay and soak in the splendour a while longer. But that wasn't the plan; they were soon on their way back down the mountain, back to the realities of itinerant ministry. Mountain top experiences are wonderful, necessary even, but not where the real journey takes place. The real goal is growth, growing in grace and truth and trust and acceptance and love and understanding and perspective and patience.
This has been a real revelation for me; a significant clue to changing the way I react to my circumstances. And that's the goal, essentially what growth is; we very rarely can change either our circumstances or other people. (Believe me, I've tried!) :) I'm so thankful for the gift that this weekend has been! Thanks for letting me share it with you! May you know real joy today!
Forgiveness and release: Everyone and their dog has issues that stem from childhood, it's unavoidable. Unless we learn differently, we tend to persist in these patterns of behaviour right up into adulthood. An important step on the great and glorious path to freedom is recognizing the roots of those issues, laying it all on the cross, forgiving those involved that need forgiving and releasing them from further blame/responsibility for our misery, habit, issue, etc... There comes a time in each person's life when, regardless of our past, we need to assume responsibility for our own actions and reactions. Forgiveness and release are beautiful things...
Life is a journey: This may be obvious, but a startling realization dawned on me the other day. I discovered a lie that was affecting how I reacted to my circumstances, buried so deeply that I was practically unaware of it. Particularly in my marriage, but also in many other areas, I'd subconsciously been working, praying, trying, striving to get to a point where I could breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Ahhhh, we've arrived... From now on, this will be pure bliss!" It's pretty clear to me now that this will never be the case and is actually not the goal at all! I've constantly found myself working towards that, thinking we'd arrived, enjoying the few days/hours/moments of bliss, then being completely disillusioned when something happened (I think it's called life?) to interrupt the bliss and feeling slapped in the face when reality set in. It's sort of like when Peter and James and John witnessed the transfiguration of Jesus. After Jesus had blazed glory, Moses and Elijah appeared and talked with Him. Peter, likely totally blown away, wanted to stay put there on the mountain top, offered to build shelters for Jesus and Moses and Elijah so they could all stay and soak in the splendour a while longer. But that wasn't the plan; they were soon on their way back down the mountain, back to the realities of itinerant ministry. Mountain top experiences are wonderful, necessary even, but not where the real journey takes place. The real goal is growth, growing in grace and truth and trust and acceptance and love and understanding and perspective and patience.
This has been a real revelation for me; a significant clue to changing the way I react to my circumstances. And that's the goal, essentially what growth is; we very rarely can change either our circumstances or other people. (Believe me, I've tried!) :) I'm so thankful for the gift that this weekend has been! Thanks for letting me share it with you! May you know real joy today!
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